I was giving the girlfriend her nightly leg massage. She wanted me to really get in there and work it out and she said, "Oh, yeah. That's it. Do it. Don't pussycoat it."

I wouldn't dream of pussycoating it, darling.

A text message I received from my girlfriend the other night while I was hanging out with the boys:

Sometimes when I'm down I think of Paris Hilton taking a dump.

So many hats

I'm looking for a job. On a pretty regular basis Brae sends me job listings she finds on Craigslist and elsewhere.

Recently she was looking at a job posting for an assistant to a fashion designer. Brae started laughing as she read the description of the position.

"They said they want some someone who wears many hats. Hahaha."

I looked at her blankly and said "what's funny about that?"

She said "why do they need you to wear a bunch of a hats?"

After I finally stopped laughing and explained what the metaphor meant she said grumpily "that's a stupid saying."

I laughed some more and she said, "well, I thought it would be a good job for you since you have so many hats."

Thanks, hon...

My girlfriend says to me "you haven't been jogging down things I say lately."

Well, I guess that's her way of saying I should get to it. It has been almost a week. I promise to be more regular. I do have some gems in the hopper.

In the meantime, I wanted to show you what Zach Braff does to my girlfriend. He must be stopped.

The other night I was flirting with my girlfriend, being a dork, doing some sort of hootchie-cootchie dance.

My girlfriend got excited and giggled, "oh, you're making me queagle!"

I'm pretty sure that's a good thing.

Today Brae and I were talking about phobias. She asked me what mine were and among a few others I mentioned a moderate dose of claustrophobia.

Brae replied with the upmost sincerity,

"yeah, not until recently did I realize I had a fear of clausters."

My Girlfriend's Shirt

"I can do anything you want me to do so long as I don't have to speak." -Linda Evangelista

Word of the Day

ketchy: adj. being simultaneously appealingly memorable and tasteless.

catchy+kitsch=ketchy

The name of this blog is an attempt to be ketchy.

"I think they're going to blow a casket."

Predicting a friend's reaction to some bad news.

Yet again, I think Brae has one-upped the original. I mean, it's one thing to blow a gasket...

Word of the Day

upmost: noun the most or greatest.

"We provide the upmost in service."

Really, when you think about it, this makes at least as much sense at utmost.

Word of the Day

schnozzy: adj. characterized by being simultaneously stylish and arrogant.

snazzy + snobby = schnozzy

"That restaurant is schnozzy."

"I think you just passed croths with someone."